Author: baseerahforum21

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How should one dispose of materials bearing Allah’s name?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.

This question can best be answered by referring to the events which happened during the khilaafah of Uthman RA. During his reign, he ordered for the masaahif (physical compilations of the Quran) to be burnt! 

This was because a fitnah began to arise in the Muslim Ummah, where one tribe would claim that their dialect of speech is superior to another, though the general and intended meaning of speech remained constant across dialects.

Although the Quran is primarily passed on orally, it was also written in its entirety during the life of the Prophet. It was also compiled and later copied after the death of the Prophet PBUH. 

Uthamn RA saw it fitting for the ummah to be united on one harf (style of reading) of the Qur’an to avoid the dispute that started to emerge and reached heightened tensions amongst the Muslims. 

Uthman RA ordered for the burning of the masaahif that were not on the letter of Quraysh. Therefore, the Muslim Ummah was united on one letter, the letter of Quraysh. 

It is also narrated that Uthman RA ordered for the maasahif to be cut into small pieces, or otherwise buried into the ground.

Therefore, to dispose of any material that contains the words of Allah or Allah’s name, one should not dispose of it in a place where there are impurities, as this is not befitting for the words of Allah.

The objective here is to dispose of the materials without having the words of Allah exposed to impurities. To do so, one can burn the material, bury it in a clean place that is far from the activity of people, or one can cut the material in very small pieces such that the words are no longer legible. Using a paper shredder is the most common way to dispose of papers that have the words of Allah written on it. 

 

And Allah Knows Best.

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Q&A

Should a woman and her family accept a marriage proposal from a man who is known to have good character?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.

At the outset, Islam has 5 different rulings surrounding marriage, and each ruling deals with different circumstances than the other. These rulings, based on certain conditions, make marriage fardh, haram, mustahhab (preferred) or makrooh (disliked), or otherwise mubah (neither liked nor disliked). Thus, there is no standard rule for marriage in Islam. Every circumstance is different.

It is useful to begin first with the Prophet’s saying: “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so there will be temptation in the earth and extensive corruption.” The literal meaning of this Hadith is that it is waajib (obligatory) to accept the proposal of a man with good character. However, the different rulings of marriage must be superimposed on the literal meaning of the Hadith. For example, if there is a fear that either partner cannot fulfill the duties which arise from marriage, then that marriage is haram for them, as it is impermissible in Islam to do an injustice to another person.

Nevertheless, it is vital that the selection of a partner for a man or woman is based on character, as opposed to other reasons such as wealth or position. Generally speaking, if we are entirely sure that the person who is proposing has good character, we encourage strongly that the family of the bride accept the proposal as it is very hard to find such a man nowadays. We should also consider the interests of the couple and help build their joint future. The best example of this is when Prophet Shuayb AS offered his daughter to Prophet Musa AS in marriage when he realised the extent of Prophet Musa’s good character. This is related in Surat Al Qasas, Ayah 28.

We ask Allah SWT to help every single person find their partner on good character and Deen and to build our community on good character and Deen. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.

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Q&A

Is a man’s testimony worth two women’s?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.

Testimony is Islam is a big responsibility, for which there are many conditions for it to be valid. Of them are that the person giving the testimony is fair and just, regardless of their gender. Another condition is that the person is of sound mind and understands what they are saying. The person who is giving the testimony should understand that he or she will be questioned by Allah SWT about it in the hereafter, as their testimony plays an important role in putting rights in their true place. Therefore, Islam has considered the circumstances of the person who is to bear the responsibility of a testimony, and tried to make it as easy as possible for them. This is why Allah SWT says in Surat Al Nisaa,: O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives.” (Al Nisaa: 135). The Prophet PBUH also once said to his companions, “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?” We said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger ” He said, “To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one’s parents.” The Prophet sat up after he had been reclining and added, “And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness.” The Prophet kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.” (Saheeh Bukhari: 5976)

At the outset, what must be understood is that a man’s testimony is not worth two women’s. Rather, specifically in matters of commerce and trade, the evidentiary burden for a valid testimony is that of one man or two women. However, in many other circumstances, men and women have equal status in the giving of their testimony, while in other circumstances, the testimony of a woman is accepted while that of a man is rejected (in matters concerning women’s affairs, such as childbirth and menstruation). As such, we should not be concluding that a woman’s testimony is simply worth less than that of the man. Rather, the main purpose of this ruling is to maintain the integrity of the witness process.

From the above we can understand how important testimony is in Islam. For this reason, Allah has made it easier on women, in that two women can share this grave responsibility. Far from being a reflection of a deficiency in women, it is to make women more comfortable and make things easier for them. In this way, they can support one another in testifying. Allah says in Surat al Baqarah, “if one of the [women] errs, then the other can remind her” (Al Baqarah: 282).

For example, it should be reflected that, amongst other things, women who menstruate go through cyclical hormonal changes which may affect emotional memory consolidation and recall, amongst other cognitive functions. Further, in Islam, men have financial and caretaking responsibilities, and were more involved in trade contexts, which made commercial testimonies easier and more readily accessible to men. As for other matters, the Islamic tradition is full of instances where a woman’s testimony was accepted without contention, a prime example being the vast hadith narration of Aisha RA.

In conclusion, in any matters concerning gender in Islam, our merciful religion concerns itself with the broad wellbeing of the community at large, and endeavors to ensure that no responsibility is placed except on someone who can bear it easily with no overburdening. We remind ourselves of the famous verse, “Allah does not lay a responsibility on anyone beyond his capacity” (Al Baqarah: 286).

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Research Articles

How to receive Ramadan?

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Prophet, his household and companions.
Allah has selected from the calendar seasons for righteous deeds. He selected some days, nights and hours out of His favour and kindness. Each time the moon of Ramadan is sighted, days of blessings and its fragrance return to Muslims, for Ramadan is a month in which fasting Muslims live in the horizons of purity and wipe off their foreheads the toils of this life.
Ramadan is received while it fills the minds of righteous men in light and happiness. It is a source of joy for devoted worshippers. An hour of acceptance that a man attains in that month may elevate him to the pleasure of Allah. Fasting is a secret act of worship between the person and their Creator, which they observe sincerely the abstention of food and lawful lusts.
In a Hadith Qudsy, the Messenger of Allah narrated that Allah says, “Every act of man is for him except fast. For it is for me and I am going to reward him for it.” In fasting, man learns the lesson of sincerity of purpose by which he can perform other acts of worship, far from hypocrisy and showing off.
The fast reforms the heart, encourages commendable deeds and prevents corrupt deeds. It removes sins and increases reward. The Prophet said, “Whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan with faith and hoping to be rewarded by Allah, all his past sins will be forgiven him.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
The month of Ramadan is that of righteousness, acts of worship, kindness, forgiveness and mercy. The Prophet said, “When Ramadan comes, gates of the heaven are opened, gates of Hell are closed and devils are chained down.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Nights of Ramadan are blessed ones. In Ramadan,
is a night which is the mother of all nights; it is Lailatul-Qadr; is better than 1000 months. Whosoever wakes up and prays on that night faithfully and hoping for the reward of Allah, all his past sins will be forgiven for him.
It is a month in which the Muslim patiently bears the pains of hunger and thirst and in which he denied his soul of its desires. The reward of the fasting Muslims would be entrance into Paradise through a gate that none except them will be allowed to enter. Fasting reminds one of the conditions of the poor and destitute who suffer the pain of hunger throughout the year. Fasting removes the gap that is between the poor and the rich, for all is fasting, seeking the forgiveness of his Lord, abstaining from eating and drinking and breaking the fasting at the same time. They are equal in all these so that the word of Allah, “And I am your Lord, so fear Me.”, may be actualised.
The Glorious Quran, the foundation of Islam, the symbol of Prophetic Message, and the soul of human life was revealed in the greatest of all months, the month of Ramadan. Allah says, “Indeed, We have revealed it (the Quran) in the Night of Decree.”
There is in its revelation in this month a covert directive for Muslims to recite it and reflect over it and recite it in that month. The Angel Jibreel used to descend from the heaven in that month and would study the whole of the Quran with the Prophet. And in the year in which he died, Jibreel studied the Quran with him twice.
Some righteous predecessors would completely recite the Quran every three nights, some would recite it completely every seven days and some every ten days. Imam Malik would devote himself to the recitation of the Quran and leave Hadith aside, whenever Ramadan entered.
Let your sayings and deeds be righteous. Believing hearts’ love for voluntary good deeds increases the scope of generosity. Generosity and charity do not impoverish. It is rather a good loan that is guaranteed with Allah. Allah says, “And whatsoever you spend of anything (in Allah’s Cause), He will replace it. And He is the Best of Providers.” (Saba’ 34:39)
Allah multiplies the reward of good deeds in this world and rewards it with Paradise in the Hereafter. The Prophet said, “There is not a single day in the life of man except that two angels descend on the earth. One of them says, ‘O Allah! Give replacement for the one who spends’ and the other says, ‘O Allah! Destroy the wealth of the stingy.'” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Look for the homes of the poor, the destitute, the widows and orphans. For that will remove sorrow from you and avert affliction from you. The Messenger of Allah was the most generous of all people. He used to give generously and abundantly and he would give like the one who never fears poverty. He received Ramadan with generosity and would be more generous, giving like the wind. Try, therefore, to emulate the Prophet by being generous through the month of Ramadan. For wealth can never be retained by covetousness and stinginess, as it can never be removed by spending in the right cause.
Ramadan nights is the crown of all nights. Its darkness is precious. Its hours are the purest and it is then that meditation is most enjoyable. The Prophet said, “The best prayer after obligatory ones is the night prayers. Whoever prays behind the Imam until he finishes, the reward of night prayer will be recorded for him.” Whoever does not subject his soul to patience over acts of worship and subjects it to the love of Allah, he will be afflicted by subjecting it to sins and their humiliation.
Every night, the doors of acceptance of deeds are opened fro the heaven. Ask, then, Allah for His bounties and beseech him to have mercy on you, for this month is that of gifts and mercy. The weakest person is the one who cannot invoke Allah.
Days are pages of life and the prosperous is the one who does best deeds. Whoever Allah removes from humiliation to the honour of obedience to Allah, he will enrich him without any money. Peace of mind lies in committing few sins. There are in this blessed month in which the Quran was revealed great opportunities to seek for Allah’s forgiveness, perform righteous deeds, making a lot of invocation and carrying out many acts of worship. However, there is a loser for every season. Some people use their Ramadan nights in watching TV programs, engaging in illusionary thinking and aspiring for imaginary happiness. And at the end of Ramadan, such people gain nothing world-wide and achieve nothing for their Hereafter.
Women are snares of Satan and they are the greatest fuel of Hell. In order to save herself from Hell, she must multiply her good deeds and she should fear Allah in this blessed month ad not go out of her house except under pressing needs. It is better for her to observe her Taraweeh prayer at home, for doing so is better than to observe it in the two Sacred Mosques. The Prophet said, “Woman’s prayer at home is better for her than her prayer in the mosque.”
When she however does go out, she should go out fully dressed without exposing anything of her beauty. She must remain modest and fear her Lord.
Righteous women are promised the Pleasure of Allah. A woman’s adherence to her religion and her pride in her hijaab respect her and give her honour in the society. Such a righteous woman is a source of pride for her society, a crown of chastity, a jewel of life and a model for other women. Allah says, “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those who were before you that you may have piety.”
Fellow Muslims! Remedy for heart diseases lies in five things: recitation of the Quran with reflection over its meaning, freedom of the stomach from excess food, performing prayers in the night, invoking Allah with humility in the dark of the night and keeping the company of righteous men.
Let there be for you in Ramadan good deeds, night prayers and recitation of the Quran. Take an opportunity to perform ‘Umrah in Ramadan, for that is equivalent in reward to Hajj. It was part of the Prophets guidance to do I’tkaf in Ramadan; for that which is to stay in the mosque for the purpose of worship. It also means, to devote one’s heart to Allah alone, to shun the world and to preoccupy oneself with acts of worship and recitation of the Quran. Abstain from things that invalidate fasting. Keep away from attacking the honour of Muslims and guard your tongue, ears and eyes against forbidden things.
Imam Ahmad said, “The fasting Muslim should protect his fasting from the evil of his tongue and he should not argue with people. When the righteous predecessors fast, they would remain in the mosque and would say, ‘We shall protect our fasting and shall not backbite anyone.’ Whoever is wronged by an ignorant person should not reward that with another wrong.” The Messenger of Allah said, “Fasting is a protection. On the day of your fasting, you should not say obscene thing nor should he rage; and if anyone should abuse or insult him he should say, ‘I am fasting.’ ” (Al-Bukhari)
Let your month of fasting be that of continuous struggle against desire and of devotion for acts of worship and of study for verses of the Quran and sincere night prayers.
Ramadan is a season for repentance. The gate of acceptance of repentance and that of infinite divine blessing are open in this month. When will the one who has committed excessive sins repent if he does not repent in the month of Ramadan? When will he return to Allah, if he does not return to Allah and ask for His Forgiveness?
Keep away from competing with different kinds of food and drink. For seasons of good deeds deserve better and more useful deeds. Make use of your month in acts of worship and righteous deeds.
Use the opportunity of these few blessed days in good deeds. Do not waste them with pastime, fun and useless things. For you do not know when you will be returned to Allah. You do not know whether you will live till next Ramadan or not. The wise person is the one who ponders over his condition, reflect over his faults and reforms himself before death suddenly but surely comes.
May Allah SWT allow us all to benefit the most from the blessing of the Holy month of Ramadan and accept our all good deeds.. Ameen.

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Q&A

Is it haram to remove eyebrow hairs if they are bushy and make you self-conscious and insecure?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
In Islam, it is generally haram to change the creation of Allah. This is something that Iblees swore by Allah SWT that he will make human beings do. This is clearly mentioned in Surat Al-Nisaa: “…and I will command them so they will change the creation of Allah.” [Qu’ran 4:119]. Removing eyebrow hairs is one such example.
This is further supported by a Hadith of the Prophet PBUH: “cursed…is the woman who pulls out hair for other people and the woman who depilates (her brows).” [ Abu-Dawood]. Here, ‘depilation’ refers to removing hair on the body. There is an Islamic principle that, in some cases, what is impermissible for women is also impermissible for men. In this case, it is impermissible for men and women alike.
On the other hand, some scholars have allowed some cleaning around the brows in order to revert the brows to how they would normally look, with a strict condition not to go beyond making it appear normal. For example, styling brows is haram. Returning eyebrows (such as brows which are bushy) to how they would normally look is an example of something which is usually haram becoming halal in certain circumstances where it is considered a necessity.
And Allah knows best.

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Q&A

Is it permissible to attend a Christmas dinner with non-Muslim family?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
As Christmas is considered a festival day for Christians, it is not advised for a Muslim to participate in a Christmas lunch/dinner on this day, even if it is done for the sake of maintaining ties with their non-Muslim family. Allah SWT says in Surah Al Furqan: “And those who do not bear witness to falsehood, and if they pass by some evil play or evil talk, they pass by it with dignity”.
Many scholars of Qur’an such as Ibn Seereen and Mujahid interpreted the “falsehood” mentioned in this ayah as including the festivals of disbelievers, meaning that the believers should avoid partaking in these days.
It is therefore advised to try one’s best to organise a family gathering on a day other than Christmas in order to help maintain family ties. The other issue to consider is that alcohol is usually consumed on Christmas Day, and it is not permissible for a Muslim to remain in such an environment.
And Allah knows best.

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Q&A

How do you make Tawbah for a specific sin and how do you make Tawbah for general forgiveness?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
Tawbah literally means “to return”. In the Islamic context, it means to reconcile and make better our relationship with Allah SWT. It is way to recognise and acknowledge Allah’s status as the Creator, and your status as the servant of the Creator. It was therefore practiced by the best of Allah’s creation. It was practiced by the angels in the story of Harut and Marut, as mentioned by Allah in Surah Al Baqarah, ayah 102. It was practiced by the Prophets of Allah, such as Prophet Adam (See Al-Baqarah 37; Al-Araf 23), Nuh (See Hud 47), Musa, (See Al-Qasas 16-17; Al-Araf 143), as well as Prophet Sulayman, Dawood and Muhammad PBUH. Abu Huraira once narrated, “I heard Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) saying: “By Allah! I ask for forgiveness from Allah and turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times a day”(Al-Bukhari: 6307).
The principle of Tawbah is best exemplified in the comparison of Prophet Adam AS and Iblees. While Adam AS acknowledged his mistake and asked for forgiveness from Allah, and so Allah favoured him, Iblees neglected his Tawbah whilst insisting upon his arrogance, and so Allah removed him from His mercy altogether.
Allah SWT says in Surah Al-Nur, ayah 31: “…Turn to Allah in repentance all together, O believers, so that you may be successful.” Tawbah is also the best criteria by which we judge the best of human beings who sin. The Prophet PBUH said, “All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often” (Related by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).
Before answering this question, we need to remind ourselves of why we make mistakes and sin:

  1. Freedom of Choice. See Al-Kahf 29.
  2. Desires and Temptation. See Al-Nisaa 27-28 and Nawawi’s 40 Hadeeth: Hadeeth 41.
  3. Arrogance and Stubbornness. See Nuh 7; Sad 75-76.
  4. Ignorance and Backward Thinking. See Al-Araf 138, 140.
  5. Carelessness and Play. See Al Tawbah 65-66.

Tawbah is an invitation from Allah SWT for the sinners to come back to Allah and return to the right path, especially the believing sinners. To practice Tawbah for a specific sin there are a few obligations which must be fulfilled:

  1. To cease committing the sin, so as to show your seriousness in repentance. It does not make sense to repent while continuing a sin.
  2. To regret the sin, so as to show that you did not sin for the sake of sinning, but for some other reason such as lack of Iman or some carelessness. This is why your regret should be based on hating the sin, and not because of some adverse consequence of sinning (say, the embarrassment of being caught). This shows your sincerity in repentance. One should regret the sin because it is a sin, and not because some bad result came out of it
  3. To promise to never return to the sin in future. This shows commitment and determination to your repentance.
  4. To amend the harm caused by the sin. If you stole money, you repent and return the money wrongfully taken. If you backbite someone, you ask their forgiveness. This is how you ‘fix’ your sin. However, if the sin ought not to be revealed since it would make the situation worse, you should make dua’ for the target of your sin to forgive you on the Day of Judgement. Note that the sin will never be completely forgiven so long as the rights of another person are infringed. The stems from the principle. “He who causes harm to something is duty-bound to mend it”.
  5. The Tawbah should be done before the phase of ‘ghargharah’, which is where the soul reaches the throat during the moments before death. This is the expiration of the period in which repentance is accepted. The door of Tawbah is also closed when the Sun rises from the West, as this is when belief will not be accepted from those who declare it. See Al-Anaam 158.
  6. Finally, the person must be entirely sincere and aiming for the pleasure of Allah. One cannot truly repent if it is for the sake of another person.

These conditions should be applied in the repentance of specific, known sins.
As for repentance for the general sins, it will be forgiven by Wudhu and the five daily prayers, if they are minor sins. The Messenger of Allah PBUH said, “The five (daily) prayers and the Friday (prayer) to the Friday (prayer) expiate whatever (minor sins) may be committed in between, so long as major sins are avoided” (Riyad as-Salihin 1045).
However if it is a major sin we must ask Allah SWT forgiveness for all the major sins we have done, whether known or unknown. The Prophet PBUH used to say, “O Allah, I seek refuge in You lest I associate anything with You knowingly, and I seek Your forgiveness for what I know not.” (Ahmad 4/403).
To conclude, there is a beautiful advice worth narrating, based off the book of Al Tawwabeen for Ibn Qudama, who was a scholar. He narrated the story of a man who went to a scholar, Ibrahim Ibn Adham, and asked him for advice to help him stop sinning, especially with repetitious sins.
Ibn Adham advised him saying, “If you are able to fulfill one of the following five conditions, then do the sin as much as you want, and it will never harm you.”The man said, “What is the first?”Ibn Adham said, “If you would like to disobey Allah, do it but do not eat from his sustenance, as it does not make sense to disobey Him and eat from his sustenance.” The man said, “From what shall I eat, then, when everything on Earth is from Allah’s sustenance? What is the second?”Ibn Adham replied, “If you wish to disobey Allah, disobey as you wish but do not do it on His lands”.The man said, “How could it be when all land belongs to Allah? What is the third?”Ibn Adham replied, “Do the sin in a hidden place, where Allah cannot see you.”The man said, “How can I find such a place, when Allah sees all? What is the fourth?”Ibn Adham replied, “Disobey as you wish, and when the Angel of Death arrives to take your soul, do not give it to him, or at least ask him to delay you until you repent.”The man said, “How can I ask him that while I know that he does not delay people for even an hour? He is fulfilling Allah’s command with no say in the matter, and it has never been where a person has fled from the Angel of Death. Please give me the last.”Ibn Adham replied, “Disobey Allah as you wish while eating from his sustenance, doing the sin on His land, while He can see you, dying on time, but, when you meet Allah, and He orders the Angels of Jahannam to take you therein, do not go with them.”The man said, “But they will never listen to me nor accept that!”And so the man said, “How, then, can you seek salvation in the Hereafter?”The man said, “Enough, enough. I ask forgiveness of Allah.” The man continued to worship Allah until death.
We thank Allah SWT for His kindness. He never closes the door of Tawbah until it is truly too late. We should seize this opportunity by making our repentance daily, as Allah is the Most Forgiving, Most Kind, even in how he punishes. He punishes for the sin with one sin’s value, but rewards the good deed by at least 10 times its worth. Imam Al Hassan Al Basri said, “I am amazed by the person who’s one [good deed] defeated his ten [bad deeds]”.
Oh Allah, please help us to repent, and accept it from us when we do repent, as you love those who repent.
Ameen.

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Q&A

What is the Islamic etiquette of having physical intercourse/sex with one’s spouse?

WARNING: EXPLICIT AND SENSITIVE INFORMATION.

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
Let’s talk about the bedroom, the halal way…
Sex is often misunderstood to only mean ‘intercourse (or penetrative sex)’. While this is the major part of it, all forms of non-penetrative acts during intimacy between spouses are also sex.
Before spouses have their first sexual intercourse together, the absolute first things to remember and be prepared to practice are taking it slow, gentleness, care, and communication. This is especially true for brides whose experience is her first time.
The second, is for both spouses to gain at least the basic knowledge about how the male and female sexual organs and body work. The more knowledge you have the better you will both know what to expect, and it will give you a good head start to have a more pleasurable and enjoyable experience, InshaAllah.
Regarding sexual pleasure, Allah said: “You husbands are like garments for your wives, and they are like garments for you” [Qur’an 2:187], meaning that spouses protect each other from indecency and sinful behaviour by fulfilling each other’s sexual pleasures around their entire body like the way clothing touches and covers one’s entire body.
Regarding gentleness and care, the Prophet PBUH said, “Gentleness and kindness beautifies anything it is applied to, and where it is not applied it makes it ugly and undesirable.” [Sahih Muslim 45:100].
Here are the recommended Islamic etiquettes for spouses on the first night of marriage, “in the bedroom”:
1. Relax and do not be afraid or anxious, by reminding yourself that sex is a very natural thing, and everything will fall into place naturally. The male and female sexual body and organs are built by Allah to adapt and guide you in the process, mentally, emotionally, and physically all the way. Especially for the bride, there is nothing to fear, and I advise our sisters to not listen to the exaggerations of others who claim that ‘losing her virginity’ in first time sex is going to be very painful, exhausting, or other frightening encounters. For sisters who are experiencing fears about this topic, here is a good article to put your minds at ease. What has been natural in humans for millions of years cannot be harmful, but healthy and good for you. Most doctors and health experts confirm this and say that 90% of first timers fail to get the pleasurable experience, not because sex itself is displeasurable or that there is a physical problem in you, but rather due to falsely perceived fears and anxieties about sex or because they are exhausted and tired from the long day.
2. Do not make it a priority to have sexual intercourse (or penetrative sex) or the expectation of penetrating the hymenin the first night, especially if the bride has never had sex before (we will explain more on the ‘hymen’ topic further down in this response). There is nothing wrong with resting that night, or just ‘experimenting together’ and delaying intercourse attempts together till the next day or next night. In fact, it is okay to take it slow with penetration even up to a week or more.
3. Before commencing, it is a sunnah to make wudhu and pray a 2 rak’a voluntary prayer together. This is discussed by Ibn Abi Shaybah in al-Musannaf [3/402] & at-Tabarni in al-Mu’jam al-Kabeer [9/204].
4. It is a sunnah to have something enjoyable to drink together.
5. It is a sunnah for the groom to place his right hand gently over his bride’s forehead and recite the following du’a: “O Allah, I ask You for her good and the good of what You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from any evil.” [Abu Dawood 2160].
6. Just before intercourse, it is a sunnah to say: “O Allah, keep the Shaytan away from us and keep the Shaytan away from (any child) you grant us.” [Bukhari, hadeeth no. 141 & Muslim, hadeeth no. 1434]. It is best to say this du’a before spouses are completely unclothed, and if they forget, it is still ok to say it when completely unclothed, according to the elected opinion among some scholars.
7. Do not eat too much before intercourse, but maintaining a healthy diet and exercise plays a significant role in your sex life as time goes on, inshaAllah.
8. It is advisable that both spouses take a shower, smell pleasant and look pleasant for the other spouse. Removal of pubic hairs in the private area and armpits is a sunnah, cleaner, and should not go beyond 40 days of growth. Also, cutting nails and trimming the moustache.
9. Next, talk. Use compliments, hold hands, hug, and kiss. Focus on each other and clear your minds from everything else. Communicate with your partner what makes them comfortable and work together. It will naturally develop and become more exciting as you go, inshaAllah.
10. Next, ‘Foreplay’. Do not jump straight into intercourse (penetrative sex). The longer the foreplay the more ready the wife will be, the less the irritation will be for her and more enjoyable it will eventually become. Although the Ahadeeth which talk about foreplay, are all graded weak in their transmission, the scholars unanimously agree that foreplay is at least ‘mustahabb (recommended act)’, due to the number of hadeeth with this meaning. This is something which is considered common sense and part of the ‘fitra’ (pure nature) of every human.
11. Be creative with foreplay. Communicate with your spouse on what makes them feel comfortable. Start with light acts such as complimenting, holding hands, kissing, light touches, hugging and caressing, massaging, and make your way slowly to becoming more sensual in talk and acts. You will both get hints on when is the best moment to start penetrative intercourse.
– Sensual and ‘dirty’ talk: it is permissible to use such language for the purpose of arousing and exciting each other. The only note scholars have added is that it is not demeaning, abusive or denigrating to the spouse, which is forbidden and can lead to the break-up of one’s marriage, let alone destroy the pleasure of sex. Other sensual/dirty talk can be worked out by communicating to each other on what they feel comfortable with or not. Respect and consideration to the feelings of each other goes without saying. The evidence for permissibility in sensual/dirty talk during sexual intimacy between spouses is in the word ‘rafath (sensual/dirty talk)’ in the Quran [2:187]. These are words considered indecent to say in public or to others but permitted in privacy between a married couple during sex.
– Oral sex: whether by the husband or by the wife. There is no clear text in the Quran or Sunnah which explicitly forbids oral sex between a married couple. It is considered by majority of scholars as permissible ‘mubah’. However, some noted that it is better to avoid it due to the possibility of impurities secreted by the female or male genitals and entering one’s throat and possible STIs. I would advise that couples communicate with each other on this because some may feel comfortable with it and others may feel anxiety or negative feelings. I advise couples to discuss these matters with their spouse before introducing oral sex into their relationship, and to read about it in medical articles to see what best suits them.
12. Islam has allowed everything in sex. Whatever is pleasurable to both husband and wife is permitted. The entire body is permitted. Every position is permitted and trying different positions in encouraged in Islam. The Sahabah did it and so did our Islamic predecessors. The only two acts which are explicitly forbidden and considered major sins are: – Intercourse through the anus, including orally [Quran 2:223].- Intercourse during the wife’s menstrual period [Quran 2:222].
13. Intercourse/Penetrative Sex(especially for a virgin wife): Take it slowly and communicate all the way. Penetrating too early or too quickly will cause pain to your wife, especially for a virgin. Virgins may be extra anxious and can feel a bit of pain at first, and for the first few days/weeks. Each woman is different.In order to minimize the pain and achieve greater pleasure, experts advise the following, which agrees with the Islamic teachings:- Use a good quality lubricant (over the counter in pharmacies)– Take time in foreplay. Discover which parts of your wife’s body arouse her more.– Try different positions.– Place a pillow under the wife’s lower back or rear– Penetration can be done over a period of a few days/nights, not necessarily first night and does not need to be a full penetration immediately.– For a virgin bride, place a warm heat pack or cold pack on the private organ if she feels a little pain. Any pain resides completely within an hour to a couples of hours.– For a virgin bride, give her a rest from intercourse till the next day or when she feels better and ready to try again.– While having intercourse, continue with other foreplay actions simultaneously.– Stop if your spouse is in pain.– Even if intercourse is not achieved at first, the husband and wife may continue in other ways to satisfy their sexual urges and pleasures. The matter is open-ended and flexible. – For the husband, stay beside her after intercourse and continue to comfort her in the way she feels comforts her.
14. It is important to know that the woman take anywhere between 11 minutes to 20 minutes on average to reach climax/orgasm, according to majority of studies. According to many studies, for men, it can vary from 2 minutes to 7 minutes on average to climax/ejaculate. However, the overall range is wide and could get to over half an hour for some men and women. There are several known techniques to prolong the experience, including other factors which help partners repeat intercourse shortly after climax/ejaculation.
A recommended ‘classical’ book on this topic is: ‘Tuhfatul-‘arous – The Bride’s Gift/Boon’ by Mahmoud Al-Istanbuli.
15. The issue of the ‘hymen’ in virgins:
Many Muslims, and cultural pressures, hold the belief that a virgin girl is determined by her hymen being intact or the presence of blood at intercourse. Islam does not stipulate this determination. A virgin girl is determined by whether she has had sexual intercourse or not. Some virgin women do not necessarily bleed during their first intercourse, others may have had their hymen stretched or perforated during their lives for many natural factors such as strenuous exercise, heavy sports, riding a horse for long periods of time or other normal day to day activities. Many women cannot feel whether their hymen has stretched or perforated during their lifetime. Some women’s hymen may never ‘break’ until they give birth. Intercourse by itself may not break the hymen but instead, may stretch it. For this reason, it is important to understand that in some cases, couples may fear that either there is a physical problem in the wife or assume that she has had haram relationships before. I advise couples to talk about their lifestyles beforehand (preferably during the engagement period), and research about this topic.
And Allah Knows Best.

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Q&A

Should the Sunnah Mustahab acts be made up if they are missed?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
I would like to begin by mentioning that Islam always encourages its followers to follow good habits and to maintain them and not fall out of them. A part of this is what many scholars mention in their books of Fiqh about making up acts of worship that have been missed. This is not only for compulsory acts of worship, like the five daily prayers and fasting of Ramadan, but also for many non-compulsory Sunnah/Mustahab acts of worship, like the daily Adhkar in the morning and evening, as long as it is your habit to do it on time. There is, however, no sin on the person if they are missed.
For example, if you have been doing morning thikr for more than three days consecutively, then you woke up late one day and the time of Fajr has finished (i.e. the sun has risen) before you could read the morning thikr, you should make it up even after the original time of it has ended.
Another example is the sunnah prayers before and after the five prayers, which are known as ‘rawatib’. If they are a habit, they should be made up for, if missed.
Also, the ghusul (baths) that are Sunnah, such as ghusul of Eid and Jummah – according to the majority of scholars – should be made up for, if missed.
Imam Abu Bakr Shataa says in his book ‘Laanat at-Talibin’:

يسن قضاء غسل الجمعة – كسائر الأغسال المسنونة

In English, “It is Sunnah to make up the ghusul of Jummah as well as the other non-compulsory ghusuls”.
And Allah knows best.

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Are we Islamically accountable for the debts of our parents after their deaths?

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh, All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
If your parents pass away while still owing a debt, then that amount needs to be taken out of the inheritance and repaid before the inheritors take their shares. However, if the inheritance isn’t enough to cover the debts then the inheritors aren’t in fact responsible to pay the shortfall from their own money.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah رحمه الله said:
“The heirs are not obliged to pay off the debts of the deceased, rather it should be paid from his estate.” – Minhaaj al-Sunnah, 5/232
Paying off your deceased parents’ debt in such a case will, however, be highly rewarded and considered as an act of birr (obedience) towards them. Alternatively, one could also try approaching the creditor and ask them to forgive the debt of the deceased.
And Allah Knows Best.

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