In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
Indeed, the noble Islamic faith encourages piety towards parents and emphasizes the obligation of children to treat them kindly. In fact, God Almighty has paired His worship alone, without partners, and the kind treatment of parents in four instances within the Holy Quran. This is iterated in many verses of the Quran:
- Verse 36 of Surah Al-Isra states: “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, do good. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”
- Verse 85 of Surah Al-Baqarah states: “And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them], “Do not worship except Allah; and to parents, do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good [words] and establish prayer and give Zakah.” Then you turned away, except a few of you, and you were refusing.”
This illustrates how Islam elevates and promotes kindness, respect, and good treatment of parents.
Prophet Muhammad PBUH drew the attention of children to the opportunity of their parents’ presence as a means to enter Jannah through being good to them and treating them well. The Noble Prophet PBUH warned those who do not seize this opportunity of disappointment, loss, and disgrace. Imam Muslim narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah PBUH said, “May his nose soil with dust, may his nose soil with dust, may his nose soil with dust.” It was asked: “Who, O Messenger of Allah?” He replied: “One who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (through being dutiful to them).”
Yet, it is inevitable to have disagreements between parents and children due to differing viewpoints, age gaps, differing circumstances, and varying objectives from one generation to another. This occasionally leads to what is known as the generation gap. Despite this, the gap of disagreement should not expand, nor should the divergence deepen to the point that it leads to disputes, conflicts, or even enmity and resentment between children and parents. If this happens, it would not please Allah Almighty but would only please the devils of humans and jinn who love discord among loved ones, separation among family members, and unravelling its bond. May Allah protect us from that.
Therefore, there is a duty on both parents and children to maintain pleasant familial relations and strengthen bonds of love and sibling ties. This can be achieved through:
- Implementing principles of mutual love and compassion among family members.
- Fulfilling the responsibilities each member holds before seeking their rights.
- Considering the feelings associated with decision-making and future planning.
- Cooperating and aligning viewpoints and unifying goals.
- Dedication, sacrifice, and competing to bring happiness to the other, and preferring them over oneself.
If the above mentioned were achieved in a family, it would secure its share of bonding and harmony. The doors of goodness would remain open to them, and everyone would enjoy genuine love and profound happiness. This would validate Prophet Muhammad’s saying: “You see the believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy just like one body. When one limb suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” (Narrated by Bukhari).
If this happens, family affairs would run smoothly, decisions would be made easily, a parent would not be angry with his child, a child would not need to rebel against his parent, and no family member would have to leave home. Leaving the home and becoming independent of the family, and preferring to live alone in a new home, is not forbidden in itself if it is done with mutual consent and consultation among them, and if the family deems it necessary and beneficial. For example, the home might be small and not accommodate everyone, or perhaps one of them has decided to marry and bought or rented a new house to live in and start a new family, extending the original one, or for similar logical reasons and acceptable excuses.
However, leaving the family and becoming independent due to disagreements, conflicts, or disputes leading to a child’s disobedience to his parent, or conflicts resulting in disputes and severing of kinship ties, which then gives rise to enmity and resentment, is not permissible in Islam. Everyone must work together to reach mutual understanding and find practical solutions that reconcile family members and reunite them. There are no problems without solutions, and no solutions without compromise and sacrifice. We must strive to find those solutions and work to implement them in earnest, instead of displaying stubbornness, discord, and poor behaviour that may lead to regrettable consequences. May Allah save us from actions that later in life we may come to regret. May He make us dutiful to our parents, even when it seems difficult and burdensome. May He make us of those who earn His pleasure through making sacrifices for the interests of our parents.
And Allah Knows Best.