Sheikh Belal Assaad
Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
All praise and gratitude are due to Allah SWT. May the blessings and peace of Allah SWT be upon His Messenger PBUH.
It is unanimously agreed among classical scholars that one is not obligated to expose their past sin to anyone, and is encouraged to keep it between them and Allah SWT. This is based on the Ahadith in Sahih Al- Bukhari no.6069 and Sahih Muslim no.2990, which jointly recommend that a person not expose their sins to others.
However, if there is a need to expose it such as for a fatwa, or in preventing harm that may come from it if not exposed, then the ruling depends on the situation at hand. This is based on two principles of Shari’ah which say, “Necessities are judged by their specific circumstances” and “Benefits are to be weighed with harm”.
So, when it comes to exposing past sins to a genuine prospective spouse, neither party is obligated to say anything about it. This is in unanimous agreement of classical scholars. However, it is only an option and choice of the individual if they choose to or not to. They need to weigh out the benefits verse the harm. One needs to ask themselves: “What is the likelihood of my past sins becoming exposed during my marriage if I go ahead with it but without saying anything? If it does come up in my marriage, how detrimental will it be to my marriage and relationship with my prospective husband/wife? If the answer is “likely” for both, it is in my humble opinion that it would be wiser and healthier to discuss it with that prospective spouse before deciding to go ahead with the marriage. This is based on personal experience in listening to many marital issues among couples in our years.
Discussing that sin does not need to be in detail, especially if it is something major, which could incriminate one’s self, depending on which country they live in, or destroy their reputation, or cause some other irreversible harm upon themselves. One can hint to it in a way the other understands what the meaning of it is. Such as saying, “You know that condition of marriage/concern you mentioned? It is true, and I do not want to go into details about it.” Or saying, “I’ve had a sinful past, in minor or major relationships, and repented since then.” One can ask a trusted family member, friend or Imam to speak to them on their behalf, if they are uncomfortable talking about it themselves.
In the end, it is completely up to the individual what they want to say and how much information they feel comfortable to expose.
Whether one chooses to expose their past sin to the prospective spouse or not, it is the prospective spouse’s equal right to choose to go ahead with the marriage or not. But if information is exposed in confidence, it is a major sin, possibly a crime in Shari’ah in certain cases, on any person who hears it to pass it on to anyone else without their permission and consent. We are ordered to fear Allah in guarding the secrets others expose about themselves to us in confidence.
What if there was an agreement beforehand to disclose any acts? In this case, each party must stick to this agreement, and tell a prospective spouse about any relevant past, because the Prophet Muhammed PBUH said, “Muslims must stick to their agreements.” [Abu Dawud, 3594, authenticated by Al-Albani] If either party did not honour that agreement, then the marriage went ahead whilst one was hiding the information they both agreed to expose beforehand, the other party has the right to nullify the marriage without losing any of their rights out of the marriage, such as the mahar. But forgiveness and mercy are better for a believer in this case, especially if they have children together and the other spouse has repented, being a thing of the past.
Additionally, in the event this happens, we advise couples to not be hasty in decisions about their marriage, and to seek religious advice from local qualified religious bodies and marriage counselling from qualified bodies.
And Allah knows best.